Nighttime Personalities Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Residency Program

TV's leading comedians used their broadcast mocking President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa program, called the "gold card," portraying it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Analysis

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a satirical holiday tune directed at the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, and then handing that list to the agents at ICE," he sang. "The President ... ruins everything he handles."

The subject was the new initiative which allows international nationals to buy U.S. residency for a sum of a million dollars, with a "premium" tier for 5 million. A government website pledges approval "faster than ever."

"One message for you to affluent applicants: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the card is also designed to "extract cash" from firms wishing to hire foreign workers, involving hefty fees. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you also get two free nights at a property of your choice – if it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The most thorough vetting the government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these applicants truly meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Roast

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow rich overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to revise that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your tired masses. Hand over a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel teased the brevity of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus always said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Grocery Issues

Elsewhere, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging poll numbers during economic concerns. "The public gave Donald Trump a another term because they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a attempt to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, and behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them with me to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by mocking right-leaning news arguments of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he remarked.